


his angel wings, torn and bound

by ADyingFlower



Series: Yandere!Haikyuu Fics [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Brother-Sister Relationships, Creepy Fluff, Dark, Delusions, Depression, Extended Metaphors, Family Dynamics, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapping, M/M, Memory Alteration, Mental Health Issues, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Obsession, Obsessive Behavior, Possessive Behavior, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Stockholm Syndrome, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Yandere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 20:37:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8300140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADyingFlower/pseuds/ADyingFlower
Summary: The girl blinked, but this time a small smile pulled up her lips. “You know who I am, silly.” Her voice was clear and rang around his head slightly. 
He tilted his head. “No I don’t?”
She giggled, the sound like church bells. “Of course you do. You just forgot. But that’s okay, cause I’m here to remind you.”
Or;
Shouyou befriends a hallucination named Natsu, but over the course of his friendship he begins to realize that not everything is what it truly is, and that nothing can be trusted, not even his own memories.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative title: She dances in a meadow of buttercups  
> Oh boy oh boy. There is a LOT of symbolism in his, so much that it makes my head hurts.

Shouyou’s bones ache on days like these. 

He rolled over, pulling the blanket tighter around him. He heard Kageyama grunt

_ Stop struggling dumbass stop fighting me this is for your own good _

at him from the other side of the bed, but he didn’t care much at this point. Kageyama could go fuck himself in all this unhurt glory. 

“Hey,” His boyfriend asked tiredly. “One of those days?” 

His entire body bailed at the thought of talking, so he just nodded, unsure if Kageyama could even see him from his position. 

Shouyou startled when an arm 

_ held him down, dragging the screams down, the spider’s web snapping _

flopped over his side in a Kageyama attempt at a cuddle, but moved closer to his broad chest when the initial panic calmed down. 

(what do you have to panic about?

there’s no reason to be scared )

“Wanna just lay in bed all day?” Kageyama asked, his voice low as his breath traveled across his ear. Shouyou shivered, giggle a bit at the ticklish sensation.

He laughed, lightly shoving away. “Nooo, we gotta get up.”

Kageyama chuckled, nuzzling his neck.  “Race you to the shower?”

Shouyou grinned. “You’re on.”

  
  


“Are you feeling okay? You’ve been out of sorts all day.” Kageyama asked, running a hand through his mess of a hair. Shouyou groaned back, curling up more in Kageyama’s lap. Usually, on bad days, being near Kageyama was enough to calm him down for a bit, but for some reason that today of all days that even being in proximity with the onyx haired boy brought a sick feeling rolling through his gut. Disgust?

Why would he be disgusted?

“Have you been taking your medicine lately?” This time, the tone was different, and a spike of fear shot down his spine before he could stop it. Why was he scared? Kageyama might be grumpy and kinda intimidating, sure, but that before you cracked through his hard exterior and discovered that he was an absolute  _ doting  _ dork. None of his feelings made sense today.

He scoffed to the flat plane of Kageyama’s stomach. “Of course. ‘M not stupid.”

Shouyou felt him relax under him, hands going back to playing with his hair while he kept the thoughts to himself. Like how he hated taking those pills everyday, hated the weeks where Kageyama would check his mouth twice a day to make sure he actually swallowed them, not out of mistrust but simply a precaution. But more than any of that, what he hated most was when he let himself off it. Everything felt out of place, like his skin was too tight and the walls were closing in and that he needed to  _ escape _ , which was ridiculous. He loved his home here, loved this small one bedroom apartment and all the books that lined the walls just for him, all the signs of Kageyama’s adoration. 

It was ridiculous. 

“Love you.” He murmured, feeling himself drifting off into sleep, the rolling feeling finally done throwing a fit and curling back into the corner of his mind for another day. 

“Love you too.” Kageyama whispers back, and he fell asleep with a small smile. 

  
  


The truth of the matter was that he didn’t tell Kageyama a lot of things. 

The thing that Kageyama did no matter how many time he denied it was that he  _ fretted _ . If Shouyou admitted to the nightmares he has been having of late, he might as well say goodbye to any him time he had gotten to himself and back onto twelve pills a day, each with a variety of side effects, each worse than the last. Worse was that Oikawa would be brought over. 

He hated Oikawa. 

The doctor always looked so patronizing whenever they were talking (which mostly included Shouyou clinging onto Kageyama for dear life and the taller man explaining his symptoms) and always made sure to poke fun at him for his height. It was annoying, but Kageyama acted like the man hung up the moon some days. One day, he had asked why he looked at the doctor that way when they barely knew each other. Kageyama had just glanced at him with an unreadable look before saying that he owed the man his life. And then refused to explain, the jerk. 

So if he told Kageyama, then Oikawa would come, and then it would be constant mentions of ‘relapses’ and ‘medication’ like he wasn’t there and couldn’t hear them every word they were saying about him.

Didn’t make dealing with them any easier. 

Most of the nightmares were strange parodies of real life. Sometimes, Kageyama was there, but those dreams always make him wake up with a cold sweat and bite marks on his hand to swallow down the screams threatening to burst out. It’s not real, It’s not real, It’s not real.

But it still felt real. 

Others were fragments, dreams of him when he was younger. The blue sky above him, his bare feet on the hot summer cement, eggs over rice, a smiling face that filled him with such warmth though he could never recall it. The dreams frightened him, but at the same time filled him with such  _ longing _ . Which was idiotic. The only home he had was here. No where else.

Shouyou could deal with the nightmares. He’s been dealing with them sporadically for years, but whatever this is...was definitely new. 

The girl blinked at him. 

She had been standing in the corner of the living room since long before Kageyama left for work, the light from the window draping her colors in white highlights and creating a sheen around her hair, but when the taller male had reached right  _ through  _ her stomach to grab a discarded tie he had figured pretty quickly that the girl wasn’t real. It took everything Shouyou had for his eyes to not linger on her blank gaze as he fixed Kageyama’s tie (yet again, he had a feeling that that the younger male always messed it up on purpose just so they could be disgustingly domestic, the romantic). 

Now he was home alone for the next eight hours, and he was nervous. 

She hadn’t moved from her spot all morning, not even a single fidget as her eyes tracked him across the room whenever he was in motion. Worst part was, she looked so familiar it was painful. 

Flipping the page of the book he wasn’t really reading, he let his eyes slide over to her. She was small, which was probably the reason he wasn’t as terrified as he should have been if he was just regularly hallucinating. Her orange hair was done up in two cute pigtails and her bare knees had numerous colorful bandages on them. 

He hesitated for a moment before deciding to just go for it. “Um...Hello.”

She blinked again. 

“I’m Shouyou, who are you?” He asked, sitting up a bit to better watch the girl. Hey, if he was going to hallucinate someone, he was going to befriend the shit out of them. Besides, the apartment got too quiet without Kageyama to keep him company while he was at work. 

The girl blinked, but this time a small smile pulled up her lips. “You know who I am, silly.” Her voice was clear and rang around his head slightly. 

He tilted his head. “No I don’t?”

She giggled, the sound like church bells. “Of course you do. You just forgot. But that’s okay, cause I’m here to remind you.”

Now he was beginning to get annoyed, but something was poking at the back of his brain. “I didn’t forget anything.” He said, a bit harsher than he intended. But she only smiled, her summer dress complimenting against the brightness of it. 

Summer dress.

Summer. 

“Natsu?” Shouyou asked, unsure of it himself. But the name sounded  _ so  _ familiar to him…

“Uh-huh.” She laughed, moving from the corner to stand in front of him. Even from his sitting position on the couch she barely reached his collarbone. “I’m your little sister.”

Now it was his turn to blink. “I don’t have a little sister..?”

Natsu hummed in consideration, bobbing her head along to a beat only she could hear. “It’s okay if you can’t remember right now, I’ll help you until then.”

“Okay…” Jesus couldn’t he have hallucinated something a little less weird? Couldn’t he not have hallucinated in the first place? “So, Natsu. Do you like books?”

It turned out she did like books even if she could barely read. To make up for the lack of any child friendly novels in the house, he read to her, letting her warm head (so she could touch him but not Kageyama?) fall onto his shoulder as the words rolled over his tongue. She was definitely a strange child, preferring to spend her time quietly instead of doing something active. Kids like that kind of stuff, right? 

They ate a simple lunch together, even though she refused to eat anything he offered but did take some of the apple juice from Kageyama’s last visit to the grocery store. She kicked her legs and hummed to herself, eyes out the window as if she was watching for a miracle. The only view the window had to offer was the branches of a tree and the occasional bird. He tilted his head. Over the past few weeks a red cardinal had taken up residence on the branch closest to to the window, and he even managed to feed it some sunflower seeds once. But it’s no longer there, and he has the feeling it won’t be coming back.

Strangely, he doesn’t feel sad about it. 

“If you could fly with your own wings anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?” Natsu asked out of the blue and he almost choked on his PB and J sandwich. 

“I don’t..” Even the thought of setting a foot outside the front door gave him chills, and he hurriedly tried to focus his thoughts elsewhere. “I can’t..”

“It’s something we talked about a lot.” She interrupted, her gaze solely focused on him now. “You always said you wanted to go somewhere that no one has ever done before.”

He shook his head rapidly. “No no no, I can’t. If I leave the house-”

“If you leave the house?” She tilted his head, and the words dried up in his mouth in an instant. What  _ was  _ he going to say?

Hurriedly standing, he grabbed their plates and rushed off to the spotless sink to clean them. Maybe today he would clean the tub, the smell of bleach and the familiarity of the sponge under his hands always comforted him. But Natsu was staring at him expectedly, and he felt the odd urge to please her for some reason. 

“I think we have a deck of cards somewhere.” His mouth says instead. 

Turns out, the only game she knew was goldfish, so he spent hours teaching the little girl the rules of card games from old maid to gin rummy. When the clock above the TV struck four, he panicked and quickly hid the deck under their culinary holder. It felt like Natsu was his secret, a secret that he didn’t want anyone else knowing about, not even Kageyama. 

“I have to go.” She eyed the clock with a careful interest of someone who wasn’t that good at telling time yet. 

“You’ll come back...tomorrow, right?” He was scared to ask, reaching out a hand to hold onto the little girl who had brightened up his day.  Shouyou never realized how lonely he was by himself all day, how his only social interaction ever was Kageyama. 

Natsu smiled, nodding. “Of course. See ya, Nii-chan.” 

Then she turned on her heel and skipped out of the kitchen, into the living room and right back to the corner of the room, where she promptly faded away. He blinked his eyes several times to adjust his vision. Without Natsu, the apartment seemed dark and lonely. 

He didn’t have time to ponder on this, as he heard the front door open, signaling Kageyama’s return from work. “I’m home!” He called, and Shouyou rushed to the beginning of the hall with the small table and a potted plant and no further. 

“Welcome home.” Shouyou smiled back, and pushed the thoughts of Natsu out of his mind for another time.

  
  


Like she promised, the next morning she was back to standing in the corner with a blank gaze, but this time her unfazeable stare was focused on Kageyama with something ugly in it that he couldn’t recognize. He fixed Kageyama’s tie like normal, kissed his cheek, and waved goodbye from his spot by the plant. When he entered the living room, Natsu had drifted from her spot in the corner to the wall of bookcases, and was running her small hands along the covers she could reach. 

“I wanna play a game.” She demanded, running over to him and tugging on his shirt. So that’s how they got into a way too intense game of hide and seek. 

Currently, he was scrunched under the sink and in disbelief of the thought that he could actually fit in here. Natsu was running around the apartment loudly and calling out his name as if it would summon him.

Vaguely, he felt like this spot was familiar, even though he was sure he never sat under a sink in his life before. 

_ Come out, Come out wherever you are! _

_ No no the door was opening and all he could see was a smile at his trembling and bruised body _

_ Found you~ _

Shaking his head from the fog, he waited for Natsu to find him and was rewarded several minutes later of her smiling face as she opened the small cupboard doors, cheerfully declaring herself the winner. Crawling out, he could only smile back at her glowing face. 

At lunch, he once again made her juice even when she refused to eat any food. When he went to pour himself a cup, a small hand latched onto his wrist stopped him.

“Don’t drink any juice. Don’t drink anything but the water from the tap.” She said, her eyes deadly serious.

“What? Why?” He asked, but did what she asked and caped the juice and put it back in the fridge, getting himself some water instead. She didn’t answer, just once again hummed and watched the sky again through the window. 

After lunch, the two of them dug through the barely used linen closet for a board game, and had luckily found one covered in a light sheen of dust almost immediately. Of course, it happened to be monopoly. 

Shouyou was expecting for himself to have to go easy on her, only to be utterly defeated by a girl who barely came up to his waist. Staring at his collection (twenty bucks and a couple of browns) and then at hers (way too many hundreds to count and the blue of boardwalk seemed to be taunting him). 

“How.”

She giggled. 

He carefully packed away the game and slid it back into the linen closet when the clock announced that Kageyama would be coming home in roughly ten minutes. 

“You’ll come back tomorrow, right?” He asked, scared. Already she was becoming a light in his life, someone he instinctively felt comfortable with. It scared him, this hallucination of his, but her smiling face was all he needed to feel comforted again.

“Of course Nii-chan!” She waved one last time before fading away, leaving him in an empty house with only his thoughts. 

  
  


Natsu visited him every day for weeks. He barely even read any books any more, spending his time more and more on making her happy. She kept him company in the long hours, her smile lighting up a room and her eternal summer dress swirling around her even as the weather grew colder by the day, the tree outside beginning to lose its leaves for the end of summer as Demeter grieved for her taken child. 

He knew, realistically, that she was just a figment of his imagination, but she felt  _ so  _ real. She made him do things he wouldn’t have dared to otherwise, she peeled away his blistering hands from the sponge on bad days when he  _ had  _ to make things perfect and carefully wrapped them in bandages. 

Today was another one of those days where her unending optimism spurred him on, as he finished closing down his ancient game system to go and make lunch for the two of them. A while ago, she had begged him to find them some video games for her to play with, so he had spent almost an hour in his and Kageyama’s shared closet up to his elbows digging through a ton of junk for his game system he had in high school. When he finally found it, her squeals brought a smile on his own face as he dug around for the matching charger. She had taken to the old games on there with a fever, and he found himself just as enraptured watching. Sometime between then and now, he had forgotten of his love for games. 

He furrowed his brow. For some reason he had something on repeat in his brain-

“Kenma.” Shouyou said out of the blue, but even as he physically said it he could feel it solidifying in his head. Kenma. Kenma. Games; Kenma? Who was Kenma?

Natsu watched him with a fond smile, before standing up and helping him shake out of the fog that was in his head. Kenma. The name sounded so familiar, but for the life of him he couldn’t figure it out. 

He busied himself with making himself lunch, setting the customary juice in front of the little girl while he fetched himself water. Shouyou had no idea still why Natsu had ordered him to stop drinking any of the drinks in the fridge, but he still listened and he was a lot less sleepy in the afternoon for it, whatever that meant. Pushing the thoughts out of his head, he quickly munched down his food in silence while Natsu retained her gaze on the outside world, still waiting for something to come. 

“Let’s play something else today.” She giggled as they cleaned up for lunch together, her legs kicking the cabinets from her spot on the counter. 

“Like what?” He asked without looking up, determinedly scrubbing at their plates and putting it in the rack to dry. Usually- pre-Natsu- he washed the dishes every morning with a religious routine, but was finding himself slacking off from the chores in favor of playing with her, so he had the dishes from dinner last night to clean as well. 

Natsu hummed, wiggling a little bit on the counter in thought. “Is there any new board games?” 

Turning off the sink, he dried off his hands on his jeans and helped Natsu off the counter. “I’ll have to check. Why don’t you go back to playing while I look for them, okay?”

Nodding furiously, she ran out of the kitchen and plopped onto the couch in excitement. The apartment was an open plan, so he kept an eye on her as he dug through his closet. Setting aside the games they’ve already played together, he pulled aside some sheets and spare pillow cases before lighting up when he spotted a box of what he guessed was Reju hidden at the top of the closet. He had to stretch, and cursing his short height he craned his arm and managed to grab the edge of the box, only for it to begin to tip over the shelf. 

Wincing, he closed his eyes and waited for the sounds of small pieces scattering everywhere. But there was only the loud sound of a cardboard box hitting the wooden floors and nothing else. 

Peeking open an eye, he fully opened both of them when he saw that the box had obviously fallen open, but instead of small circular pieces there was...clothes?

Bare feet entered his vision, and he swung his eyes up to see Natsu standing there, no game system in sight but with a deadly serious expression as she stared right into his soul. 

“Do you want to know the truth?” She tilted her head, gaze never leaving his. “You can’t go back after discovering it.”

Shouyou didn’t know what she was talking about, but at the same time he did. Something was wrong with him, he knew it. Something...deep down, was missing, and he wanted it back. Maybe that something had to do with the name Kenma, and maybe it was something to do with Natsu too.

She must have seen something in his eyes, for she only smiled slightly and kneeled down next to the open box. Following her example, he reached out with slightly shaking hands and picked up the clothes. 

He noticed two things straight away. First was that they must have been his, because the size obviously wouldn’t fit Kageyama. The second thing he noticed was when his hands carefully flipped it over was the blood. 

There was too much blood. 

It stained the front of the shirt in careful patterns and the shorts in messy splashes. It followed the rips like a beautifully arched - _ torn off _ \- wing in the back and one corner of the shirt was drenched in the color like it was held against an open cut to stop the bleeding. The inside of the collar was soaked in something that smelled like salt, and it twistedly brought up the thought of someone wiping away their helpless tears in it. The shorts were a different story altogether, hardly any slashes and instead were tattered beyond belief, the straps ripped right off and a spot of blood that was in such a specific spot that made him uncomfortable with what it meant. 

“I don’t…” He hesitated, feeling a weight in one of the pockets of the shorts. Terrified beyond all belief but determined all the same to figure out why the hell there were blood stained clothes in his closet, he dug a hand through and pulled out a surprisingly pristine wallet. It looked relatively normal and even had a little strap with a volleyball attached. 

“I gave you that,” Natsu interrupted his thoughts, staring at her knees with..guilt? “On your eighteenth birthday, I used up all of my allowance and bought you that strap.”

He didn’t know what to say to that. Taking a deep breath, he flipped open the wallet to discover who was this mystery person was, only to stare back at his own face. 

“No-”

The ID glared back at him, his younger smiling face staring right into his disbelieving eyes. 

“No no no-”

Hinata Shouyou. Hinata Shouyou. Hinata Shouyou. Oh god, Hinata Shouyou. Hinata. His last name was Hinata. How the hell did he forget his own last name?

“This doesn’t make any sense-”

Receipts along with some spare change was tucked in the wallet, photos of other people whose faces he couldn’t recognize but was smiling happily with, credit cards for places he has never even heard of. 

“Please tell me this is just some sick joke-”

Natsu placed a warm hand over his own. “I’m sorry.”

He cried. What was going on? Why was his, his bloodstained clothes shoved in a board game box in the back of an abandoned closet? Why didn’t he remember his own last name? Why were there so many holes in his memories?

The hallucination stayed by his side the entire time, her small hands holding his much bigger ones tenderly, watching him with sad eyes. When his eyes dried up, he rubbed away all the snot that was collected and stared emptily at the clothes sprawled across the floor. Again, Natsu was the one to comfort him when he turned his confused gaze on her. 

“Go off the pills.” She told him with much more resolution than a girl her age should have. “Hide the clothes, act like everything's normal, stop taking your medication. Only then will things begin to make sense.”

He licked his lips. Should he? Last time he went off the meds (however unintentional it might have been), Kageyama was so mad at him that the two of them fought for weeks and he ended up sleeping away most of his anxiety. But….He had to know. And so far, he trusted Natsu, hallucination or not. 

“Okay.” He nodded, and quietly began to put the clothes away. 

When Natsu had faded away and Kageyama had came home, he completely pushed the thought of going off his medication out of his head and kept on smiling. The two of them ate take out on the couch, playfully pushing at each others feet. A particularly hard kick sent him right off the couch, and he laughed at the flabbergasted expression on Kageyama’s face. They argued over the stupidest things, and he let himself fall into the routine of it. 

“Hey, Kageyama.” He said when a thought came to mind. Said man hummed in acknowledgement, eyes focused on the papers spread all over the countertop. 

“Do you want kids?” 

Kageyama sputtered loudly. Those startled blue eyes turned away from the papers and stared at him in shock. 

“I don’t think we ever talked about it before actually.” Shouyou tapped his chin in thought, quite amused at the bewildered expression on his long-term boyfriend’s face. Kageyama eventually regained his composure, and chose to glare at him before drifting into thought as well. 

“I never really thought about it before.” He huffed out. “We’re still young, but I guess I wouldn’t mind one.”

Shouyou smacked his arm with a mock scowl. “Don’t talk about children like they’re items!”

The other male chuckled a bit, shoving him with his shoulder playfully. “We’ll have to talk about it more in detail, definitely, but maybe in a while for now we could come to a decision. Not right now though, work it too hectic and you’re too unstable.”

“Oh.” He couldn’t help the well of disappointment. In all honesty, he knew he wasn’t fit for taking care of children, the numerous pills for treating him in the bathroom spoke volumes of it, but he still had foolishly hoped.

Kageyama raised an eyebrow. “What’s been up with you lately? You haven’t been reading at all recently, and you’re always oddly exhausted.”

He blushed. While he was flattered by the fact that Kageyama payed so much attention to him, he couldn’t exactly say that he was spending all his time of late playing with a imaginary little girl that sometimes had enough energy to power a small city. That wouldn’t go over well, to say the least.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Shouyou said instead, lying through his teeth. “But I suppose you’re right with the children thing.”

Kageyama stared at him for several more moments as if trying to see through his lies, before sighing and going back to his papers. When the hour grew late, he walked off to the bathroom as he had done for the past several years, digging out the bottles and making sure that the shakes could be heard through the open door from where Kageyama was still in the kitchen. Carefully he popped out three pills, once from each bottle and ran the tap with his gaze firmly fixed on the door. Instead of using the water to swallow down the pills, he let them soundlessly escape down the drain. 

_ I’m sorry Kageyama _ , he thought to himself as he watched the large white cylinders be washed away with something akin to relief. 

  
  


It wasn’t noticeable at first, but something definitely changed. 

He felt like he could climb mountains with the amount of energy that filled his veins, letting himself be swept away into more and more exhilarating games with Natsu with a childish joy he didn’t know he possessed. He found himself with excitability akin to a sugar rush, letting himself be swept into joy at the simplest of things. No longer was he content with just him and the silence, he had to have some kind of noise with him at all times or else he started to feel itchy. 

There were also the downsides. 

The nightmares also increased in frequency, and it was getting harder and harder to hide them. His insomnia kept him up far into the night as he stared up at the ceiling while Kageyama slept peacefully on next to him. His body started uncontrollably trembling against his wishes whenever Kageyama made a sudden movement, and sex was getting increasingly more difficult for him to play off the disgust rolling in his gut. 

But every time he felt like giving up, Natsu was there by his side supporting him all the way. 

“I’m scared.” He admitted one day when the nightmares were so bad that he had barely slept at all and had bitten through his lip in his nerves. Natsu was curled up on the couch intently playing a game, but soon gave it up when she saw how bad he was shaking. 

“It’s okay.” She soothed, hugging him fiercely and letting him burrow his head in her shoulder. “You’ll be okay.” 

He tried his best to believe her, but it was hard when he had another dream about a Kageyama that seemed so wrong, so  _ terrifying _ . 

“Who’s Kenma?” He asked another day as they aimlessly drew on printer paper with pens. Shouyou had drawn the view outside the window while Natsu scribbled what looked like the two of them holding hands, if the orange pen scribbled over both of their heads meant anything, with white wings emerging from their backs. The girl looked up, not surprised in the least at his random question. 

“He was a friend of yours.” She said rather shortly, before breaking eye contact and narrowing her gaze down at the drawing. “You guys met in high school and shared a dorm room in college.” 

“Ah.” He didn’t remember him in the slightest. He was even angry anymore that he couldn’t remember crucial parts of his life, just tired. “How close were we?”

Natsu didn’t look up, her tongue sticking out a bit as she focused on the drawing. “You called him your very best friend, and you invited him over a lot to play video games and sometimes throw a volleyball around in the backyard.”

Sounded like him and ‘Kenma’ got along really well. And he couldn’t even recall his face, only vague associations. Images flashed through his mind: of him watching another pair of pale hands grab a controller, a tabby cat purring on his lap, a red jacket thrown carelessly across a chair, and-

“Pudding?” He asked aloud. Natsu snorted. 

“His hair.” She explained when he looked at her curiously. “It looks like pudding, you always used to say.”

“Hmm.”

Days flown by in this manner, him asking Natsu about his missing past and her semi-answering the question, always giving him parts of what he needed but never the whole piece. It came to his attention that he could always ask Kageyama pieces of it, but the one time he managed to muster up the willpower to ask a question that had been pressing on his minds for days left him scared to ask anymore. 

They were watching a new episode of a tv show both of them adored, and during one of the commercial breaks he finally gathered up all the courage he had to ask it. “Hey Kageyama?”

A grunt. 

“How did we meet again?” 

Kageyama turned to look at him incredulously, and he instantly felt guilty for asking it. But he had to know, and when he asked Natsu the same question she had averted her eyes and pretended she never heard it. 

“Why are you asking?” 

Weird. He was expecting something more along the lines of ‘How the hell did you forget you dumbass’. Not...this. 

“Just been bugging me lately.” Shouyou replied as nonchalantly as he could, stretching lightly as an excuse to break the intense eye contact. When he looked back, Kageyama’s glare had lightened and he was instead staring at the plate in his lap in thought.

After a couple of more moments of silence, Kageyama cleared his throat. “You worked at a coffeeshop near my work, and every morning when I stopped by, no matter how awful your day had been or how horrible the customers before me were, you always offered me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen in my life.”

Shouyou blushed. That was..wow. But Kageyama wasn’t done yet. “You were a never ending bundle of hope, and I wanted to bask in your light forever. One day, I asked you to go to dinner with me, and you accepted.” 

Something was up. The first part of it, Kageyama had a dreamy and fond look in his eye as he recounted the meeting, but the further he delved in the more his hands twitched and the scarier his eyes got. He looked up then, all love and affection again as if the dark cloud never passed overhand. 

He may have been missing a lot of things, but he sure as hell wasn’t missing the fact that Kageyama was absolutely lying about their first meeting. 

  
  


He laughed giddily as he slid across the floors, Natsu falling to the floor with another scream that made him laugh even harder. 

That morning, she had gotten the bright idea when he was waxing the floors to play a round of ice skating, and who was he to resist? So he had put on his fuzziest pair of socks and graced Natsu with an extra pair and pushed all the furniture against the walls to create a large area to play slip and slide. 

Turns out, laughing at Natsu fall was a bad idea karma-wise as he quickly fell to his own doom, his head thumping painfully against the ground. Loudly groaning, he mocked glared at Natsu’s giggle fit, secretly overjoyed at how her age she was acting. 

_ “Nii-chan, no fair! Let’s play again!” _

Whipping his head around, he glanced rapidly around for the voice. He knew that voice, having listened to it every day for the past several months, but the person whose voice that belonged to was sitting there still in a giggling fit and having no indication of having spoken. 

He smiled. 

  
  


_ “Shouyou.” Someone’s quiet voice mummer above him even as he curled tighter under all his blankets. “You’re going to be late for your lecture if you don’t get up.”  _

_ He groaned, clinging to the last grasps of the warmth. “G’away Kenma.” _

_ Then the words registered in his head. “SHIT-” _

_ “Please don’t shout.”  _

_ Flipping the blankets off the bed he had affectionately nicknamed his nest with all the covers on it, he gazed straight up into the cat like eyes of a boy with pudding colored hair.  _

_ “Good morning, Shouyou.” The boy smiled slightly, and- _

He woke up not from a nightmare, but from a dream of the past with a smile on his lips and a name on his tongue. 

  
  


“Did I know anyone with glasses?” He started the discussion that day right off the bat as soon as Kageyama left for work. Natsu laughed at his eagerness, already climbing onto the couch like she belonged. 

“You had high school teammate with them, you hated him at first but started getting along better as you got older. Tsukishima.” She told him, resting her head on her fists. 

“Tsukishima.” He mumbled, vaguely feeling those associations again instead of any solid memories: a sneering gaze, multiple bandages wrapped around their fingers, smuggled candy in their bag, concern passed off as taunting, a fierce protectiveness. More and more was he starting to remember people of his past-well, more like vague ideas of who these people were. But no matter how hard he tried, he could never remember his family. 

“Hey,” Natsu called, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Nii-chan, let’s do something different today.”

Nerves scratched under his veins. That tone meant it was something he wouldn’t like. 

“Let’s go outside.” Yep, he did not like this at all.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He stammered, trying to ignore those pleading eyes. Anxiety curled in his throat at the thought of having to leave this familiar four walls

“You’ll be okay.” She said, climbing off the couch and holding his hand with too much care. “Just a little bit, we don’t even need to go far, I swear.”

He swallowed. He couldn’t. He can’t. Going past the plant was forbidden. If he broke the rules, if he left the house-

Then what?

“Okay.” Shouyou said because he was weak to her and she knew it, smiling up at him with that grin that made him feel so proud of himself. 

Slowly, he slugged on a sweater of Kageyama’s and let himself be swallowed by the thick fabric. He had to search for his shoes, eventually finding a pair of rarely worn sneakers half hidden under the couch. It probably speaks of his life that he has one pair of shoes and even those haven’t been broken in yet. 

“Wait.” Natsu commanded when he stood in front of the plant and stared at the front door with a sense of foreboding. “Give me the back of your neck.”

She was holding a small knife in her hand.

“Wha-”

“Please.”

Confused, he kneeled down and obligatory bared the nape of his neck to a little girl who was wielding a knife like it was her job.  He felt her small fingers run over the small scar he had there from an accident he couldn’t quite remember a couple years back, before there was a sharp sting and those fingers were pushing at the skin around it like she was trying to pop a pimple. 

Natsu hummed happily at something, then he felt her hands leave him and sticking something-a bandage- over the small cut on his neck. She came back around, her hands speckled with blood and holding something small and black in her hands. 

“What is  _ that _ ?” Shouyou asked, staring at the thing that had apparently been in his neck without him knowing. 

“A GPS chip.” She brandished it like it was a weapon, showing off every corner of the miniscule tracking device. “I’m going to put it by the couch. When we come back, carry the chip with you everywhere and absolutely don’t let on to Kageyama that you have it removed. Wear a turtleneck or something until the cut heals.”

Then she skipped off, leaving him to deal with fact that he apparently had a tracking device in his neck. And wouldn’t she let him tell Kageyama?

This wasn’t making sense. None of it was.

Natsu skipped back with her hands both rid of the chip and blood. Her bare feet almost glided over the wooden floors, and he cast her a worried glance at what the harsh ground would do to her feet outside. She waved away his concern and latched onto his arm, pulling him right past the potted plant and right toward the front door. His heart pounded double time, triple time as they walked closer and closer to the door that Shouyou watched be opened and closed twice a day. Then he was there, and Natsu was waiting for him. 

Swallowing, he grasped the doorknob and pulled it open. 

He felt like someone had just tugged a weight right off his shoulders. Carefully closing the door behind him, he glanced rapidly around for Kageyama, almost scared the taller male would punish him for walking past the potted pant. When there was no six feet of pure anger coming his way after several moments of tense silence, he relaxed his shoulders even if his breathing was too rough. Natsu didn’t say anything, just letting himself take this at his own pace. It took a few more minutes of deep breathing before he was able to make himself move down the hallway in search of a stairway. He was pretty sure that Kageyama went left every morning, so he followed the hall to the left. Every corner, he had to stop and listen to make sure no one was coming, but Natsu didn’t say a word about it, to his eternal gratitude. Eventually he found a staircase, and ever so cautiously he crept down. 

Shouyou stumbled down the stairs into what looked like an abandoned lobby, and neatly avoided the camera pointed at the front desk and headed to the double doors up ahead. He stopped right in front of them, staring at the grass in front and a small parking lot with bated breath. 

“I’m not sure-”

“You can’t give up now!” Natsu stared right through him, tightening her hold on his hand. “Just a couple more steps, I promise. Then we can go back and do whatever you want for the rest of the afternoon.”

He wavered. “D-Do you promise?” 

“I promise.” Natsu swore with a smile, locking her pinkie with his. 

With another deep breath, he reached out and pushed open the doors. 

 

...It’s so warm. 

  
  


_ He stared blankly at his lap. He knew on some level that this was a dream, a flashback in some sense of the word, but even so this amount of...emptiness felt wrong. It was like his soul was gutted out and all that was left was a hollow feeling that pervaded his every living moment.  _

_ Kageyama was speaking. “-Responding well to the pills, hardly ever fights back or tries to escape anymore. How long will the depression stage last for again?”  _

_ Someone else laughed a bit. That was-Oikawa? “Have patience, Tobio-chan. You’re quite lucky actually, your pet here has been one of my easiest cases so far.” _

_ Kageyama’s hand reached over to hold his limp one even as he sounded doubtful. “Really? Don’t try to flatter me, if things go wrongs…” _

_ “They won’t. I’m a professional at this, I even have one of my own. Want to see a photo of him~?” _

_ “I’m good, thanks.” _

_ “Aw, no fun Tobio-chan, he’s so cute though!” A fake cough. “As I was saying, he’s quite agreeable and very malleable, very good traits to have in the beginning stages. How is he during sex?” _

_ Shouyou felt a vague sense of grief roll through his gut for something he would never be able to regain.  _

_ “Fine. Quiet, won’t participate unless I make him.” _

_ “Hmm. That’s a good sign. If you’re going to follow through the specific treatment you bought, give him a hobby for christs sake. I have more cases snapping from boredom than anything to do with the treatments than you would believe. My darling has taken up cooking recently when I’m not home, it’s absolutely adorable-” _

_ “Anything else?” _

_ “So cold. As I was saying, give him a couple of hobbies so he doesn’t snap when you’re away. Cleaning is a pretty good one, and productive to boot.” _

_ “Hobbies. Got it.” _

_ “Tobio-chan!” Oikawa whined. “You also have the option to change him a bit if you want, nothing too big though. Base personality will remain the same, but with extra doses he could be swayed to act in a way you prefer.” _

_ He heard Kageyama swallow. “I’m not sure…” _

_ “Come on now, Tobio-chan.” Oikawa said, his voice much darker than before. “Don’t act like you’re above it. You’ve kidnapped, raped, and drugged a boy to all hell who looks like he could snap in half with one hand all because he simply rejected you. So don’t act like you’re all high and mighty, you're just as bad as the rest of us.” _

_ A moment of silence.  _

_ Kageyama’s grip tightened on his hand even as his voice steeled. “...Could you make him less high energy? That would be a pain to deal with day in and day out. And maybe a bit more obedient? I don’t want to have to deal with the constant fighting before the depression stage again.”  _

_ “Of course.” Oikawa’s voice smoothed out into a much more pleasant tone. “An extra dose of sedatives during the day should help calm down the hyperness and we’ll start a new obedience regime by tomorrow. It was a pleasure working with you, Tobio-chan.” _

He puked all over his front. 

  
  


Kageyama frowned at him even as he shivered uncontrollably from where he was curled up in their bed. Oh god. Oh god. 

“You feel a bit warm.” He muttered to himself as he placed a hand on his forehead, eyes narrowing when Shouyou couldn’t resist flinching. “...Shouyou. What’s wrong?”

He averted his eyes. How to get out of this? He wasn’t a good liar, if he had to hide the truth about something he just didn’t bring it up. What to do?

_ Natsu, save me.  _

“I-I just had a nightmare. Don’t worry about it.” He chanced a peek up through his bangs at Kageyama, and barely suppressed his flinch at the dark expression on his face. Oh god. 

“I see,” Kageyama drawled, drawing him out of his spiraling thoughts. “I’ll have to book an appointment with Doctor Oikawa then.” They both knew that the appointment wasn’t just for his supposed nightmare. 

Somewhere inside him, he mustered up a smile for Kageyama and watched how his shoulders relaxed fractionally. “I’ll be fine. You should head to work soon or you’ll be late.” 

Kageyama smirked slightly, dipping down and kissing his sweaty forehead, the gesture oddly comforting. “If you say so, princess. Go back to bed, and if you’re up to try and make some soup, okay?”

He giggled, shoving Kageyama lightly even as he felt like his insides were jelly. “I’ll be fine. Go!”

It was only when he heard the familiar sounds of the front door closing did he drop the act, flopping back down onto the bed. 

That dream…

Kageyama and him weren’t really boyfriends. 

He didn’t really love Kageyama. 

Kageyama has been drugging him.

Kageyama kidnaped him. 

Kageyama raped him. 

Oh god. 

Shouyou didn’t look up when he heard soft footsteps enter his room, the door not making a sound as it was pushed open. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Silence. “Would you have believed me?”

A lot of things made sense now. His gaps in his memories, the way Kageyama lied about their first meeting, the GPS tracker in his neck, the way Natsu looked at Kageyama every morning as he got ready around the house. That ugly look-It was pure unadulterated hatred.

He laughed self-pityingly. “Probably not.”

Natsu was silent for another moment, before she crawled on the bed with him, gently resting her head on his back. “You know we need to go, right?” 

She was right. If Kageyama did call Oikawa, then it would be game over for the both of them. He only had the vaguest idea of what had happened to him before all of..this, but he had a feeling that it was utter agony, and he was no way ever wanting to go back to being completely oblivious to everything and being played like a puppet by Kageyama’s hands. God, he didn’t even like himself!

“Okay.” He said, because he was weak to her and they both knew it. “Okay” Because he never wanted to go back to being so alone and trapped again. But he didn’t move. 

“I- Can I even function anymore? I’m not fine. I don’t know how trains or buses work, I have crippling agoraphobia, and my only fucking friend is a figment of my imagination. Excuse my language.” 

Natsu poked at him, and he shifted his head so he could see her face instead of just being buried in the sheets. Her small face was set in another one of her determined look, but their was something like fondness lingering on the edges of it. “But Nii-chan, you’re strong. You’re so strong. You didn’t break once, not even when the only thing you could feel was terror. You kept up your hope every moment and you never once stopped trying to escape. Even as the drugs that were forced down your throat grew too much and my influence too little, you gave everything you had for me to exist just a little longer, everything just for the chance of you seeing the sun one day. And look where you are now. You saw the sky, you went outside even after years of training beaten into your brain to never leave, but you did. You’re so strong, so just fight a little bit longer, than you can rest, I promise. Okay...Nii-chan?”

He let the tears drip down even as he nodded. 

It took a while, but he managed to force himself out of the bed, taking one more long look at the bedroom that he probably would never see again. His hand trailed along the wall, letting his fingers run over the familiar grooves of the paint until his hand reached the bookcases. To think...He never did like books did he?

When he voiced that question out loud, Natsu smiled at him with a slight shake of her head. “You were never a person who could sit still. Always had to be doing something, and hated being bored. Only two people ever could make you still.” Without her saying it, he knew who those two people were. 

A discarded hoodie from a round last night lied across the back of the couch, and Shouyou slipped it on silently, letting himself be enveloped by the excess fabric and the familiar scent. Next was the game console that he had hidden behind the TV, slipping that into the giant pocket. He ran his fingers along the familiar stickers, a question forming in his head. “This belonged to Kenma, didn’t it?”

Natsu answered him seriously even as her eyes were focused on searching through several of their junk drawers for...something. “It did. He leant it to you the night before you were taken, so you had it in your bag that day. Kageyama allowed you to have it when you started trying to claw out your own eyes when he made to throw it out, and it was one of the few things that kept you sane for the first few weeks until the first round of drugs started and he took it from you so you wouldn’t remember Kenma.” She sneered, the expression oddly unsettling on her youthful face. Then she “aha”ed, pulling out a...matchbox? 

She explained without him even having to ask. “You spotted him hiding money in here while you were drugged out of your mind one day, but you left me with the information in case this day would someday come.” Opening the box with a grand movement, a pile of carefully rolled up paper bills landed on the counter, more than what it would cost to spend a night at a five star hotel. “We now have our train money.”

He giggled at her theatrics, grabbing handfuls of the money and shoving it in his sweatpants pockets, laughing harder as she enthusiastically joined in. 

But no much how long he tried to delay it, he had to leave the apartment sooner or later. Hesitantly, he reached down in his fuzzy sock and retrieved the GPS chip, placing it softly smack in the middle of the table. He was about to turn to Natsu when he spotted the empty plates from the night before, and without the usual routine of devoutly washing the plates, something stirred in the back of his head. 

_ “Don’t be so sad,” Kageyama whispered with teary eyes, holding his face tenderly. “This is a start of a new life. I’ll make you happy, I swear. If you had just accepted me at the beginning, I wouldn’t have had to do this. But that’s in the past now, and you’ll be much happier now with me than with anyone else, I’m sure of it.” _

_ Shouyou wanted to argue that he wasn’t happy, that a few presents and affection won’t make up for what was done to him, but he couldn’t. Despite his best efforts, the glass wall between himself and the real world was growing thicker by the day, and he felt like he was being split in two under the pressure. Sooner or later, the part that Kageyama was creating in him would be bigger than the real parts.  _

_ Kageyama hands entered his vision again, holding up his weak neck with one hand and the other holding a spoonful of pudding. He thought he caught a flicker of a memory, but like a silverfish it darted back into the current known as his mind and disappeared without a chance for him to reach out.  _

_ “You need to eat, you’re losing too much weight.” He frowned down with something he might even call concern. “Oikawa said that solids might be too much for you at the moment, but soft foods should work, so get prepared for a couple weeks worth of jello and applesauce.” He chuckled, like he told a joke that Shouyou wasn’t in on. “But don’t worry, I’ll take care of you for the rest of our lives.” _

_ The spoon nudged at partially opened mouth even as his eyes roamed listlessly. Kageyama narrowed his eyes and growled a single command. “Open.” _

_ Shouyou obediently opened his mouth and let Kageyama hand feed him without a single change in expression, delicately swallowing everything down. Kageyama smiled at him, a little quirk of his lips for a usually stern face.  _

_ “Good boy.” He praised. _

Snapping out of the new memory, he stared down at the plates with a blank expression, but made no move to wash them. The person who let himself be oblivious to everything and occupied himself idly wasn’t him anymore. Shouyou didn’t know who he was, but whoever he turned out to be would be by his own actions, no one else's.

With one last look behind him, he left the apartment he used to call his home. 

  
  


_ Cold blues eyes glaring him down/”Move one inch and I’ll go after that blond friend of yours. Do you think he’ll be more fun to play with then you?.....Good boy.”/ It hurts it hurts it hurts mama please save me please someone oh god it hurts so bad/ _

_ The man was staring at him, waiting for him to make a move to resist while the doctor watched/Failure failure failure failure failure/Someone’s hand pressing on his head harshly, forcing his face right into the bucket/Can’t breathe water too much water it’s filling his nose and mouth and eyes/ “Aren’t you such a good boy Shouyou?”/ _

_ “Your name is Shouyou. You hate the outside, you are deathly scared of the world outside your home. You love books and cleaning and making me happy. You love me more than anything in the world. Repeat.”/Over and over and over again until he started believing it himself, until their was nothing left of his past except those words/ “I love you, Shou. More than you will ever understand.”/ _

_ I don’t want to disappear- _

_ I don’t want to die- _

_ I don’t want to be forgotten- _

_ “I love you so much Shouyou.” Kageyama whispered it like it was a prayer to an angel who no longer existed, it’s wings torn off and dirtied beneath his feet.  _

_ Shouyou blinked in confusion, and then smiled. Smile smile smile smile, you can’t stop smiling. “I love you too, silly. We’re dating, aren’t we?” _

_ “If I cut off your wings, you won’t be able to leave me, right?” He heard Kageyama laugh maniacally behind him, and he renewed his struggles, but the tie wrapped around his wrists in a bruising hold didn’t budge and the most he could do on his stomach was flop helplessly.  _

_ The first screams started coming as the knife dug into his flesh- _

_ He was crying, tears sliding down his face silently as Kageyama watched him emotionlessly. Everything was wrong, wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong- _

_ “This is for the best.” Kageyama cooed, crouching down next to his discarded body and sliding a hand through his dirty hair as if to comfort him, when he himself was the cause of the tears. “I really do love you, you know? Everything is so dark without you by my side, you’re truly an angel cast down to Earth.” _

Let me go _ , he wanted to shout. _ I’m not an angel, I’m just me. 

_ “I will wrap you up in so much darkness so you can never stray from my side.” Kageyama promised lowly. “Consume you in so much sin that your wings will never return back to their pure white. Just eat the fruit and love me for eternity- _

He blinked awake when a bump made his head smack into something. Oh yeah, the train. Natsu was asleep next to him, resting her head on his shoulder like she had the first day they met each other. Rubbing his head from where it had smacked into the window behind him, he eyed the map posted next to the train doors. About twenty minutes left of the journey, to a small town he had never heard about but what Natsu insisted was very important. Shouyou spent the rest of the trip with his gaze out the window, watching the scenery fade by and at the same time trying to ignore the anxiety curling in his stomach. When the two of them had first boarded, it was the landscape of the city jungle, but now all that greeted him was the skyscrapers of trees. When it grew close for the time to disembark, he nudged her awake as best he could without seeming suspicious, getting off with the very few passengers left to the new stop. 

Natsu took his hand sleepily, and he let her lead the way. The marketplace passed by, emerging into the suburbs and then eventually into deep woods with the occasional house. 

For some reason, it all seemed familiar. 

“You were born here.” Natsu spoke up in suddenly in the silence. “Grew up here too. You moved to the city for college with Kenma, but you were hoping to come back home after getting your degree.”

Another silence, before he swallowed heavily.

“What will happen when I come home?” Shouyou got up the nerve to ask, staring down at the little girl in the holding his hand. “I’ve been...missing for years. They probably don’t even-”

“We’re here.” Natsu stopped, pointing at a wooden house near the top of the hill. He felt yearning and something akin to the feeling when he thinks of the apartment back in the city.

He thinks they call it homesickness.

“I-” He stared. “I-”

Natsu nudged him, looking up at him with a sad smile, the light from the sun behind her cast a glow around her silhouette. “What? Cat got your tongue?”

He didn’t laugh, and the smile fell off her face at his panicked expression. “I’m-Natsu-I’m not the same person as I was back then. I’m never going to be.”

“Nii-”

“Let me explain.” He blurted out, pleading her with his eyes. “You say I’m brave, you say I’m strong, but I’m just me. Just Shouyou. I can’t go back, I can never be the family they deserve. I see that your look you're giving me but let me finish- I’m different in ways I can’t even begin to describe. I- I’m always going to love Kageyama, even when I hate him, a part of my brain is wired to love him. And other parts of me fell in love with him over time. I probably have stockholm syndrome, don’t I? I love him so much that I’m not sure I can even make space for anyone else, be the same person who had once opened the doors in his heart to anyone.”

It was true. The Shouyou of the past was an easily scared  _ child  _ who had love for anyone. The Shouyou of now was a traumatized adult who was probably permanently fucked up in the head. He couldn’t be what they needed, it was better for them to think he was dead. 

Natsu frowned at him, shoving her finger right at his chest. “Don’t talk that way about yourself, Nii-chan. You’re different, that’s true, but your kindness, your sense of humor, your willingness to help out a helping hand, those are all indistinguishably  _ you _ . Our family would live a hundred other lifetimes just for the chance to talk to you one more time.” 

He hesitated, glancing at her with vulnerable eyes. “You’ll be there, right?” 

She looked away, her curly bangs hiding her face. 

“...Natsu?”

Said girl finally looked up at him, her eyes much more tired than they should be. “I’m sorry Nii-chan.”

Shouyou stared at her, uncomprehending. “I don’t understand. What are you sorry for?”

“I can’t come back with you.” His world shattered apart at her words. 

“Why?” A single word filled with so much betrayal. She sighed then, clasping the hand not already holding his with hers, the light behind her setting her hair aflame. 

“I’m not your Natsu. The Natsu of the now is different from the Natsu of the past. Like you, she has changed and grown in ways that she will never be able to return to. All I am is a mirage of the past; the very last traces of her remaining in your mind. I promised you all those years ago when you were at your most desperate that I would one day help you escape, and I kept it. You don’t need my help any longer, and we both know it.”

“No, Natsu, please.” He begged desperately, releasing their hands to cup her face. “I do need you. I need you so much, W-who will skate across the floors with me, o-or drink a-apple juice at l-lunch, or will l-l-let me r-read to the-them?” 

He was sobbing now, gently holding onto her own grieving face. That seemed to be the final trigger for her, as the tears began welling in her own eyes.

“I-I don’t want to go, Nii-chan.” She cried quietly, tugging on his sweater with anxious hands. “I-I want to stay here with you a-and play g-games a-and b-beat you at-at monopoly, b-but you’ll never b-be able to move-ugh-move on if-if I’m here. S-so please, Nii-chan. L-let me go.”

His eyes widened with the realization. “You’re-?”

Natsu nodded at him with teary eyes, her usually bright smile wobbling at the edges as she cupped his own face with shaking hands. “Y-You gave me so-so much. I was j-just the last parts of you l-left and I-I didn’t want to l-leave. You w-were  _ so  _ warm, Nii-chan, and you-you promised me the r-rest of your m-memories.”

Shouyou sunk to his knees, the pieces coming together at last. “I wasn’t w-weak, a-after all?”

She shook her head slowly, eyes closing with the motion. “No, you w-were never weak, Nii-chan. You k-kept the last p-pieces of me t-together by giving m-me your m-memories e-even if it meant g-giving up, and I  _ promised  _ you I w-would save you, I did.”

“Hinata…”

Then it wasn’t Natsu any longer, and in her place was his own reflection wearing the clothes hidden in the box in the closet, bruises and blood staining every inch of his pale skin and desperation curled in every line of his body. 

“Thank you.” Hinata whispered, tear tracks down his bruised face even as they lifted in one last smile. “Thank you for saving me at the price of yourself, _ thank you _ .”

Shouyou sniffed, staring deep into his own reflection. “You’re welcome.”

Natsu blinked back at him. Then she smiled cheerfully even as her lips wobbled dangerously against the stray sobs. His arms reached around her before he was even conscious of it, holding her tightly to his chest and relishing in the last time he would ever be able to touch her.

“Ah.” She whispered, her own arms wrapped just as tightly around him. “I don’t want to let go.”

Leaning back from him, her hands slid from his back to hold his face, looking deep into his eyes like she has repeatedly in the past. But this time it was different. 

“See ya later, Nii-chan.” She whispered with new tears brimming over her eyes, and then she was gone, leaving his arms holding thin air with only the vague smell of smoke left. 

Something rattled against the ground, and he glanced down with empty eyes at the sidewalk below him. A golden locket was sprawled at his feet, the words of  _ Best Brother Ever  _ engraved in the front. He reached down and tenderly picked the locket up, eyeing it from every angle before slowly opening it. 

Ah. They really did look alike. 

Slowly, he stood up, wiping away the tears with the back of his hand with the occasional sniff. Then, and only then, did he put the locket over his head, the weight resting against his chest like it belonged there. 

He started walking. 

Cautiously opening the gate, he stumbled up the pathway to the modest house that made his bones ache for something he couldn’t describe. No more hesitation, he decided as he stood in front of the door. Natsu always did everything without hesitation, and maybe it was time to follow her example. He knocked. 

The door swung open.

“............Ni….chan……....?”

“I’m home, Natsu.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Cookie to the people who got the Undertale reference~  
> I live to either make people creeped out or confused. If you are either, thank you, you made my day.  
> As said before, there is a whole lot of symbolism in this. Probably more symbolism than actual plot.  
> I know parts of this are probably confusing, so if you have any questions I'll do my best to answer them in the comments! But be assured, everything here is here for a reason (except for the fluff, that's just self-indulgent)


End file.
